I Miss My Dad.

My youngest son, Ben, is my most verbal about his grief for his father. He doesn't grieve the way you might expect someone to grieve. He has never cried. He is not distracted, depressed, or despondent. At five years old, his little brain can't process grief the way an adult would. I know that he is grieving one of four ways.

1. He is cantankerous & agressive.
2. He will in the middle of a wonderful time playing, stop, turn to me and say, "I miss my dad," then go right back to playing.
4. He will be clinging and cuddly.
3. He will pray about it.

I love that he prays about his grief. Each night at bed time I get to hear what he is thinking about and what is bothering him.

One night last week he prayed, "Dear God, I miss my dad, but I am so glad that my mom is not dead. I am so glad that my mom is not dead."

How difficult it must be to live in such an unsure world. A world where the people you love and who take care of you suddenly disapear. He still doesn't understand the permanence of death, but he knows he doesn't want that to happen to me. I wish I had a way to reasure him. But for now, cuddle time, prayers, and routine are the only ways I know to make his little world secure.